I've never experienced living with a blended family or a step-family. I find it so interesting though and can't imagine how much of a struggle it sometimes can be. I also think it can be a huge blessing!
I wanted to share some guidelines that help in blended or step-families!
xox, Sarah
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So what is the purpose or parenting? Every one has their own ideas and perspectives on what the purpose of parenting is. A good definition is, "The purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare our children to survive and thrive in the world which they live." How cool is this? To be a parent and have this responsibility I know will be challenging but, what a blessing it is to help shape little lives.
I am so excited to be a Mom and often wonder how good of a Mom I will really be. There are so many things we need to get right to be good parents. But, I think it's important to follow the spirit in all things and to never be hard on ourselves. We do our best and we live in learn. I want to talk about the Problem Handling Model. This model is awesome! How do we handle problems when we are parents? First we need to ask ourselves...
Parenting can be difficult but, i believe it is one of the most beautiful blessings God has given us. He will be with us every step of the way to lead, guide and help us. Oh man, this is a hot topic.
Is it worth it for a woman to work? Are there other things that she can do to fulfill her needs? These are important things to consider. So what are the negative effects of a Mother working? I believe there are many negative effects. Things such as the mother isn't emotionally there, there are feelings of abandonment, Often it can create a barrier between Mom and her kids, because mom works she sometimes has a hard time getting other things done which will then be put normally, on the oldest child. These are just some examples. Yes, of course I realize that some Moms do need to work. But, if it can be avoided shouldn't we avoid it? If you don't want to raise your children then why even have children? Again, some more things to think about. So what is something hat a Mom can do if she does need to work to keep a good relationship with her children. I feel it would be really cool if Mom could find a way to work within the home, or have her kids involved in her work in some way. I feel this not only helps bond parent and child but, it's also great learning experiences and memories for the child. I understand this is a very controversial topic. I just feel so strongly it is important for a Mom to be home with her kids. What a special time that is. I do feel strongly that Moms do need an outlet. They do need friends to get away with for a little bit. I feel if they work together with their husbands as a team this can happen. I can imagine how hard parenting can be but, I also firmly believe it is going to be on of the greatest blessings of my life. To be a Mom is my dream. I only pray that one day I'll be able to have that blessing in my life! I know God lives and loves His children. I know we have specific roles for a reason to help us work really well together as a team!!! Life can be truly beautiful as we follow Him. xox, Sarah How important is communication?! It is SO important! The truth is that we always communicate. You can never not communicate. You can communicate badly but, you will always communicate something!
How can we understand how to communicate effectively?! What are some ways that we DO communicate? Obviously there are things such as:
There are two important key terms:
Isn't that super cool. The interesting thing is that we all decode differently. Because we all have different experiences from how we were raised. We use different words, actions, signals and tones! I think something really important to do is anytime you decode something negative in any circumstance but, especially marriage, you should check your understanding. You can ask a question such as, "Did I understand you correctly when..." The adversary would have us have negative communication experiences. I feel and know communication is so important. I know as we communicate effectively, are patient, loving and extend grace we can better our relationships and be happier. xox, Sarah I'm no expert or anything but, i'm pretty sure that all families go through some kinds of stresses through out life. What exactly is a crises? Crises means a danger and/or possibility. A stress-or: puts pressure on system but, it's going to bounce back. There are so many things that brings stress to us individually and also in families. As I looked back on my own life there were many things I could think of that caused a lot of stress on me and on my family.
As I talked about before we know family is so important. Family should be our greatest support, our best friends, the people we can rely on, trust and support especially during crisis and struggles. So what can we do to make sure that our family stays in tact during hard times? What are some wise things to do to keep us strong? I don't think there is any one easy answer to these questions. Mostly because every individual and every family is so different but, here are some ideas of things we can do to help us as we go through crisis within our families.
xox, Sarah
So what is appropriate when you are married? What are the proper boundaries we need to set up when we have a spouse? My teacher shared a story with us about President Kimball. I'm not sure where this occurred but, there was a meeting that was a couple hours away that the Bishops and Relief Society presidents needed to attend. In the invitation letter President Kimball stated that under no circumstances should the bishops and the relief society presidents ride there alone. This confused a bishop. He raised his hand in the meeting and asked why that was. President Kimball took his glasses off and said something along the lines of, "If you could understand what I've seen you would be way more cautious about this as well." My teacher then went on to explain as a therapist he has seen so much more than we could possibly imagine. All of it started with something harmless but, broke a boundary. We may think we are different and that it can never happen with us but, we just never know. He told us he believes firmly that when you are married you no longer need members of the opposite sex to be close friends. There are things we should do, boundaries we should set, to keep our marriages safe. we discussed deleting numbers out of our phones of the opposite sex that we don't need, going through facebook friends and deleting old ties. He explained to us how so many marriages end because of facebook and spouses finding their old "high school sweethearts" messaging them and "catching up with them" or turning to them through hard times. They end up thinking that their "first love" is their only one true love. They leave their six kids and husband for that "one true love". It is heart breaking.
My teacher said if you don't know if you are breaking a boundary think of this, "Would I be okay if my spouse did this." That is a great indicator of what you should or should not do. Sitting in class listening to this I really started to get stressed out or moreso nervous. Marriage is a big deal. These boundaries are important. I never want my marriage to end because of these boundaries being messed with. My classmates gave great points. We are so blessed as members of the church to have the spirit to lead us and to guide us to what is appropriate and what is not. If we rely on that spirit it will always lead us down the right paths. I take great comfort in that. There is so much to learn when you're married. I look forward to making my spouse my rock and my best friend. What a blessing it is to have a spouse and to learn and grow each day! xox, Sarah I have to say, I am so grateful for this class and how I feel it is preparing me to be a better wife and Mother. Let me just say this right off the bat, I know I'm not perfect and I'm not an expert on this topic but, the things I share are just my personal feelings and beliefs! This week there was a lot of discussion on dating, marriage and boundaries. Our teacher said to us several times "setting appropriate boundaries is the goal." There are all kinds of things we are going to need to adjust to when we get married. Things such as finances, drawing new boundaries with the opposite sex, little things such as sharing a bed with someone or a bathroom, differences in general! But, I want to just talk a bit about boundaries. This was a huge part of our discussion today. I look forward to marrying my best friend. I look forward to loving him unconditionally and serving him and spoiling him. Needless to say I am very excited. Having said that, I do recognize that it will be an adjustment. I LOVE to tell my Mom everything. I love to talk to my best friends about my life. Having said that I know that it is important when I get married to adjust that. Things that happen between you and your spouse should stay between you. It isn't appropriate to blab to others about your husband or wife. Or to even complain about each other. Your marital problems are between you and your spouse and always always Heavenly Father. Not you, your spouse and your Mom or your Dad or your sister or brother or even your best friend. Every challenge we face in marriage will be an opportunity to work together and strengthen our relationship with our spouse. It can be a positive one if we allow it to be and if we work together. We talked today about two things that husband and wife should do from day one. 1. Always have FHE every week. Start out right away and make it a pattern in your life. 2. Go out on a date every week. Never stop dating each other. My teacher is awesome and for the past 30 some years him and his wife have barely missed a date week. That is an incredible example to me! Another thing I want to talk about is the importance of treating your spouse as the most precious person on this earth. We discussed how easy it is to be mean to those we love. We discussed that even though the world may say its "normal" to be mean or negative towards the ones we are closest too that should never be the case, especially when it comes to your spouse. Right now in my life, I am obviously not married, so some of you may say I have no idea what I'm talking about but, being 24 years old and single as an LDS girl at BYU Idaho comes with it's challenges and heart aches of its own. To say I am ready and excited to marry my best friend is an understatement. It is something I yearn for. The day I get married is going to be one of the greatest days of my life. I will probably cry buckets of tears because it's finally happened! haha. Having said that, I feel this waiting period has been difficult but, I can say that when I am married I am going to cherish that marriage. I will always do my best to never take it for granted. I am not perfect so I'm sure at some times in my life I will but, now, I feel it is something I will be so thankful for every single day. It is my dream as I discussed before to be a Mom and a wife. It is something I am going to treasure, cherish and be eternally grateful for. Think of it, to be LOVED by someone who you love back. To be best friends with them and to be able to have them for eternity. That is an incredible treasure. To be a Mom and raise precious children with your best friend, that is also an incredible blessing and treasure. Why should we ever treat our spouses as anything less than a precious treasure in our lives? They should be and always remain a treasure even through the darkest moments and hardest trials of our lives. Because, I know those hard times will come. It's so important to remember this a we struggle and as they annoy us or bother us. LOVE, charity, forgiveness, communication they are all so important in a relationship. God blesses us with spouses to help us through this journey called life. Let us always show our thanks by loving, treasuring, cherishing, and taking care of our spouses. By showing them they are the most precious person on the earth to you. xox, Sarah Holy smokes, this week I learned SO MUCH about dating and love and relationships. I am going to be completely honest, I absolutely hate dating. But, I've learned a lot that I feel will help me in future relationships and future dates. I want to talk about three things this week. The first thing I want to talk about is called The Relationship Attachment Model also known as RAM. this model is AWESOME and made so much sense to me as I learned about it. Here is a picture of it: RAM works in 5 levels. Basically what I got from the RAM model is this, we should know someone more than we trust them, we should trust them more than we rely on them we should rely on them before we can commit and then we should appropriate touch when we commit. We discussed how touch releases hormones that can make you feel things that aren’t true. Such as being more committed than you really are and if touch gets bumped up higher than the other four levels it can knock things out of balance. Touch really does attach us to people and can sometimes give us a feeling of “I feel like” but, I feel likes aren’t always true.
The other thing I wanted to talk about is the 3 P's. In order for something to be considered a date and not just "hanging out" It's important to have the 3 p's. So what are the 3 P's??!! Let me tell you! Prepared, paid for and paired off. :) This makes total sense right?! Well it gets even better, THEN my teacher asked us, so what are the responsibilities of the men according to the proclamation to the world. We all responded that the responsibilities of the men are to provide, preside and protect. So how do these the responsibilities of the men and the 3 P's of dating relate??? Provide can relate to paid off. When he pays for a date he is practicing his responsibility to one day provide. -Paired off can relate to protecting. Does he do things to take care of you. When he walks you home, and picks you up does he makes sure you are safe. If you're walking close to the road does he make sure he's the one closest to the road? Does he respect you? Being paired off is a great way to show he can protect you and if he will protect you in the future. -Planned can relate to presiding. They need to show innovative too. It’s so important to find a man who will preside. Make sure he will plan dates and takes innovative. If he doesn’t the likely hood of him presiding in the future is not a lot. SO having said all that what is the role of women? We don't get off the hook that easy!! haha. We know women's role in The Family a Proclamation to the world is to nurture. Some things we talked about are, we want to be the man’s safe haven and be his support because they need that too. Nurture the best behavior. If a guy says hey want hang out blah blah you can say, "no, but, I’d love to go on a date if that’s what you are asking?" It is also important to validate them and let them know you are grateful they asked. Even if you aren’t interested in them you can build them up. If they did take you on a date, THANK THEM. I feel strongly you should never take a guy for granted or just assume he ought to take you out and spend money on you. It is a sweet gesture to be taken on a date and gratitude is huge. How women act in dating relationships is also a huge sign of the kind of wives and mothers they are going to be. OKAY! :) lastly I wanted to talk about the 3 T's. 1. Togetherness: Shared activities aka dating. The wider of activities we share and do together the more we get to know each other. Togetherness ties into talk because then we are able to talk! 2. Talk: (Mutual self-disclosure) Giving information about yourself and receiving information from them. It takes TWO in a relationship. 3. Time: Spending time with someone helps you soooooo much to know who they are and how they act in different situations! The 3 T's I know can help us have successful relationships! :) Guys, can we take a minute? This stuff is so awesome. It has SERIOUSLY helped me know how to date in the future, what to expect and how I need to be and how I need to be treating the guys I go on dates with. This is awesome information that can help so much. Recently, I've had no trust in guys or in dating. It's the last thing on my mind. But, this helped me so much to know if I do my best and follow these things, it'll be a better experience for me. Not to mention, following the spirit and trusting God is HUGE. It is important we get married and progress in that area so we all need to have faith and date date date. I know eventually the right one will come along for all of us! As Elder Holland has said, "Trust God and believe in good things to come." xox, Sarah :)
So obviously this is just a small list. BUT, as we discussed this and discussed how different men and women are my teacher asked us this question, "Why would God assign two different individuals to team up and create a family?" The answer I came up with was this It's amazing to me because God knows the needs of his children. First of all that is amazing that He seriously knows each of us individually and what we need! He knows that women need men and that men need women. We need the qualities of each other and the characteristics of each other. He knew we would compliment, support and help each other! He also knows the needs of His spirit children He sends to earth. He knows that those children need the qualities of a Mom and a Dad to lead them, to guide them and to help them become more like the Savior and who they have the capability to become! THAT is incredible to me! As I realized this my heart was full. How incredible is our God. How full of wisdom is He? I know that He is aware of our needs. His plan is so perfect and so pure. I am so grateful to know that He is in control and will take care of us. He always has and He always will. I love Him and I love families and the different roles we each hold to make each other better! So what I wanted to talk a little bit about this week is social classes. In my class our professor asked us this question, "What social class would you prefer and how will it affect your kids?" I thought this was a really interesting question. I personally grew up poor. So, when I thought of this question of course my brain went to when I was a child. I have got to say that even though we grew up financially poor we were so rich in other ways. I have the worlds most caring and loving parents who sacrificed so much for me and my siblings. They LOVED us and everything they did showed me that and made me feel that. They were always there when I needed them and they still are. I remember when I was younger and they left for a trip or just even to the grocery story I would climb on the counter and cry as I watched them drive away. I am so grateful that I had and continue to have such a special bond with my parents. Our professor reminded us that income is not what keeps kids out of trouble. It is having a Father and a Mother in the home.
I had no idea when I was young that we struggled with money. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that. I also know that lack of money caused more stress. So as I pondered about this question I realized that I never want my kids to feel entitled but, I also never want them to go without. I discussed this with a friend for a long time. We talked about how we want our kids to be hard workers. We learned to be hard workers and to work for the things we have. We also discussed that it would be awesome to be comfortable and not be wondering what to feed our kids each day. I came to the conclusion that middle class is the class I would prefer. A place where my kids aren't handed everything but, me and my husband could still provide for them. We could all think about this question and make a choice of what we would prefer and what was best for our kids or future kids but, I think it's important that we take actions and steps to do so and to get there! :) xox, Sarah |
AuthorI'm Sarah Knight. I'm a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho and am going to be using this blog for my family relations class. I will update it weekly and share the things we've learned in class and any insights I have gained! :) ArchivesCategories https://rachaeladela.wordpress.com/Check out my classmates!
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